Early
Curiosity
So a repeating question: Are we put on this earth to fail our children? I just heard my father‘s voice in my head and he was saying, “I’m sorry.” I say the same thing to my children in my head so frequently, and I think about my siblings’ children, too: So many disastrous missteps that their parents -I- cannot, could not, or would not prevent. We fail to protect them from errors of their ways or our own.
I remember the images of sweet, smiling infants, at least photos: E, S, I, A, C, D, L, myself, and I cherish them. I consider my neighbor’s uber intense efforts to shelter her daughters and admire her for them, with hopes their lives will turn out better for that all-in mother love.
But we all suffer. Then laugh in the face of it sometimes, or die crying. “Bible says, dust to dust. That’s why I don’t dust; might be somebody we know.”
And, really, I think parental guilt may be what attaches me so closely to my little dog at this time of life. And here I thought it was love! Well, I’ve always acknowledged my lack of clarity on love. Tut, tut.
Edited for the truth, moments ago
More later. Let’s see what the day brings.
No walking today, except 5 minutes down the driveway after JP shoveled, about 6:30 pm, after dark. He was still outdoors, clearing L’s driveway, I don’t know how: that wind was brutal. I’m thankful we never lost power. Snow accumulation is hard to guess since wind blows the driveway practically clear but the doorway but piles it up 3 feet deep down by the street. Phone Weather said we had 4.8 inches. That’s not so much total.
Our quiet time included A reading a couple of chapters of Deuteronomy to me mid morning and a Scrabble game late afternoon, partly to break up S’s phone kvetching. I won this time. He won last time, so maybe one more game tonight to beak the tie.
Like the Americans did Sunday at the ice hockey final? Nah. I’m just stretching to intro that topic because we so enjoyed watching Jack with his snaggletooth grin especially, and the team, celebrate the win. Strong young men, JP, Jack, et al: God bless them!
“What is Time, as we ordinarily understand it? A single track succession of events. At every given moment we are called upon to make a choice among a number of possibilities and at every such choice the unchosen possibilities are, as it were, sacrificed. Time as succession is simply the actualization of one possibility out of many in each successive moment. Could we actualize two possibilities, or three or four at once, we should be living in two or three or four different streams of time. Our life, though no longer than before, would nevertheless contain more time. We should be living several ordinary lives at once.”
A.R. Orage, No. 7, Psychological Essays, quoted in Lee van Laer Substack, Journal of Gurdjieff Studies, 2-20-26
I loved this dog as soon as I saw him in the Pueblo, and he followed me around for a while, probably because I was willing to share my fried dough with him. No attachments or illusions between us. I noticed that Indian dogs run free in packs, so i suspect that nobody gets too attached. I’m glad he posed for this picture.
In these days when I mostly sit home idle with no desire “to do,” I am grateful for the images, objects, and memories that call up the active times of my life.
And speaking of time, as in the Orage quote in yesterday’s post, I observe that time flies even faster in idleness than busyness.
That fine canine is likely dead now, but here am I keeping its memory green, bless it.
And met up with a fine, friendly bunch of deplorables. Red entertained all comers, but his fave was a beautiful mini bernedoodle pup whom we encountered at the checkout with its enthusiastic mom and dad. I liked our efficient and friendly Persian clerk, very pretty with green eye makeup, reminding me of S. I advised her to get the frozen chicken pie; it’s delicious. Also from Mass; I noticed Canadian frozen pies were also stocked and didn’t see price but wondered about tariff effect. Nevertheless, stick with what you know.
The evening’s activity was meditation and healing meditation, specifically for D, who broke 2 ribs and wracked up her knees in a snowmobiling flip that day. L showed video of the accident. We’re thankful she wasn’t hurt worse. I laid my hot hands on her knees, and she reported it made them “happy.” She also said she generally felt better after this healing circle, so we have some feedback that hands-on healing is beneficial. I always say, at least it couldn’t hurt. We also discussed healing as a spiritual practice— what’s it like for you to do it? Not our first rodeo, but always good to weigh in. For example, L said, as a “conduit,” you can always skim off and retain some of that energy for yourself. So I tried skimming off energy for this D’s knee and sending it to my sis D’s broken patella. Won’t know ever if it “arrived,” but as I said, it couldn’t hurt. Maybe I’ll ask her if she felt a “change in the Force.”
So now the world gets a clue about the machinations of us deplorables:)
