Now what?

 

Unchanging?  No; nothing is

Saw JW and his two westies, Stewart and Sproket, yesterday afternoon, first time in a while. Ayla is gone. 

Can’t see around the corners.Red ran out the house at 9 PM last night toward the barking and came right back with the big dog came along and asked if they could play a minute I said sure and sorry he got off leash. They started doing their twirls. Next thing I saw she was on the ground poor thing glad I didn’t fall, but I feel terrible for her.  Nola was up in her driveway all this time. We went for a little walk. My heart was not in it, ping-ponging between daughters, distracted by dogs. 

Bought a new mattress with S this pm

Another blow

 

Yesterday

Her diagnosis is malignant. Cross the bridges as we come to them

  I get so tired of hearing people talk. 

Back at clambake again

This is what I should have posted yesterday from Saturday evening. It was a wonderful spontaneous visit in the head steamers for the first time and I don’t know when I like the landscape of the marsh in the evening sun was beautiful on it

Living in clover

 

And loving it

  Not doing anything today. Absolutely beautiful late summer day, cool sunshine  Made homemade no baked cookies; don’t need to do that again. Talked to DJ since he got home from his travels always good to talk to him   Dreamt about visiting him in his house after falling back to sleep this morning  Still having digestive issues, wish that would go away

Steamers at the marsh

Things perked up in the evening and 

we took a spontaneous trip to the clambake

Back to visit

 

What a cutie. HF back to visit

Pretty ladies

 

In the park, just before the hail storm

   That was quite an experience  Chick-fil-A at the picnic table near the Muslim coffee wagon;  these lovely ladies walked by And recommended the Matcha drinks, Banana bread and mango. Walked by and we chatted with him for 10 minutes or so  I was sucking down The drugs of a peach milkshake. Red and I shared a few nuggets and two young African kids wanted to But were shy about handing him a chicken nugget when I offered one to them not him  Obviously afraid of dog mouth. Can’t blame them  Is that thunder I hear Rick said yes he better get back to his car. I decided to try the coffee stand and maybe get a little walk-in.  Rain started 30 yards away so we turned back just as we ordered coffee. A downpour came along and by the time we got to the car, there was hail; we were soaked and cold. A was whingeing about the windows being down. Driving home was scary enough since the windshield was fogged up And I wasn’t sure what button would unfog it. When we got into the stream of traffic, that jerks ahead of us wouldn’t go more than about 10 miles an hour although it wasn’t that unsafe to drive  At home we certainly had to dry up things, including ourselves And the sun has come in and out since we got back right now, bright sunshine and rain. The electricity just went off. So I’m sitting here with beautiful sunshine outside rain falling off the roof and no power I’m powerless

Garbage again

 

One of my favorite things. Collection. 

Didn’t think I skipped yesterday

 

Little dog, little friend. So cute!

But apparently I did. Every day just seems to melt into the other not much difference in the hours certainly not the activities this morning. I took A to the grocery store and the pharmacy and Red for a very little painful walk. 

For example, yesterday we did our 1 mile walk around the block early enough so I didn’t melt in the heat. I’s Monday music sounds like he’s as depressed as I am so I told his dad about it. Gotta watch out for that. He really needs professional counseling might be in order, but I can’t do anything about that anymore than any other problems in the family.

Sat around most of the day again today, but just came back from an early evening walk and it was very pleasant still 84° but a good wind, Greeted four people, including a grandmother Denise pushing her baby carriage. We walked and chatted all the way up Longfellow   I rather hope we could become friends

Bumbling along

 

Yesterday at the schoolyard

Report in other blog.  In the house all day. I did burn supper—stew—half an hour  after I started cooking it. Still smell that nasty odor in the heat and ac. Yuch!

Try to focus

 

Cornflower on the trail, muggy day

We saw JW and his girlfriend in their car as we walked. Do you have any work for me was his question and I said yes paint the deck still; when? When the weather is good I’ll have to buy some paint first. 

  Something I don’t quite trust, Maybe the desperation to live that projects hard from poverty. I seem to sense that as well in the stories I hear from L and C et al. Like S’s warning not to take in M.

  Desperation, it seems to try to wear a mask of friendliness and kindness that I repulse somehow   But how much should I?  I think I’m fearful. Does that not block compassion?

   If I ponder Tzvi Freman’s “hidden love,” will I learn o r open it?

    I told the law yesterday, you don’t trust anybody if you don’t trust yourself.”  Just reminding myself, that’s a core belief for me that I don’t want to show to anyone who counts. Pondering, however, I might do well to consider how trust and love— hidden love particularly—relate. 

TWO Days missed?!!

 

Looking good. New clean cheap rug

On the heat wave, I’d saymy brain is fried. Coming to you live from the second bank of James. Don’t feel like reporting much  Saw lsw E today. I know crocodile tears when I see them, professional sympathy, but I don’t really care.  Still I won’t abide her letting her lefty politics creep in. I’ll keep going for a while anyway, like I’m talking to myself. Talked about S and D and the past. Trust issues. Sins and harm I’ve done, with sis D too. It’s a heavy load, Jesus help me. Then went shopping alone to Home Goods. Bought new living room, rug, and bathroom, rugs and Halloween ornaments which I will give to the kids in the neighborhood but wanted to own for a minute. Mickey D macchiato was very good today for a change. Ah Retail Therapy!

Chest med appt today

 

Selfie new haircut Thursday 130

Almost missed it. Called yesterday morning to find out when it was and they told me 430 today. One more with LCSW on Friday

Que sera?

But rainy all day today

Lee this am:  Everything always flows forward from here into here. 

And nowhere else. 

Bountiful

Let them keep growing. Pretty but not ripe

Like some people

Only thing to report from this day is wacky date we had: BK with order clerk who couldn’t “get it our way” and “Scenic walk” through blocked new paved carpark at BAM

Date with S and D today

 

Scenery

Pics to follow. We will meet them at 3:00 at Eastern prom

Friends

Blinded by the light

 

One side of the room with new blinds

So the blinds were installed today couple of hours early took them about 15 minutes. They are the pros. They look good but they certainly are expensive that way, not to do it yourself  

S left early this am, taking rte 1 home in order to shop for more yarn  Her cc load is way  higher than I wish or wish to help pay, desperate earlier contributions  

Not wanting to walk today, but finally did after 1 o’clock and the dog park well, white A shopped supermarket. 

Marsh

 

From the clam bake tonight

Good times with old friends 

Indoors and out

Contrast

 

Beautiful ordinary impressions

On the dog park trail today 

Cold today. Cloudy now rainy and wind like breath of God rousing one.  Slept very late. Not waking really. Hanging out in garage with lights on, Red my little heater. We walked at dog park, dropped off bag of stuff at Goodwill, talked to L —improvement in OH situations— now just waiting for S. Guess I should do more shredding 

Something new every day

Nice. Today 

Very busy today. Sleepy now. More later

More shredding. Phone calls. Pharm trip but sore closed today Psrk lunch and well. A they gave me a regular hamburger. Me : no they didn’t you are eating mine. lol

 

All God’s…

 

Mockingbird, at Texas Roadhouse Friday,

a pair of them kept chittering 

at Red and me, like they were protecting a nest

Early, abed. Took all my pills at 1242, thinking I skipped them all, Sunday was Monday !!!  Definite memory issues, even with reminders like the pill packer  

Red to groomer and two phone calls this morning:landscaper and blinds, Hope I don’t have to start over with the wall

I 

Scratchy

 

Now, Scratches on the sky

I’m itchy a lot. Maybe that’s why I like this image

Petite dejeuner sur l’herbe

 

Park was busy today

Such pleasant weather. Went to McDonald’s and then the park today. Had difficulty finding a shady bench or table.  A couple of little girls and their moms were selling lemonades and bake sale so we got delicious No bake cookies. Forgot how wonderful they are especially if somebody else makes them for you

Way too sleepy again today, although I’ve been drinking caffeinated tea I think that helps.  More shredding this evening in the cool as well  Then leftovers from the restaurant for dinner tonight gotta go cook now

Missed again

Morning walk 

Oh well. Guess I was busier than I thought yesterday  Car in for checkup  Shredding  Anything else? Two hours on a bad movie starring Sandra Oh. Brief chat with I. Neighbor L visited and brought delicious brownies. A read more about Saul and David. Absolutely beautiful weather the last three days but today I’m achy and in the bed after my 1 mile walk this morning. Things should look up I think. 

The neighbors yard

Love the flowers across the street

I’m certainly sloppy and free with it in regard to Red visiting it. I hope he’s not making too many messes there   I hit the ground running this morning in regard to doing computer tasks and other things and I really lazy and tired this afternoon. I like hanging out in the garage I find

Pain.

No pain. Relaxation. Last night 

Sink into the sensation. Lee says every nerve sings. I feel every nerve screams. But it won’t last all day. 

I’m thinking about E’s exercises and my resistance to understanding them. Go back to today’s now   Turned out I did not have to make a report after all

Warm shower helped the pain a lot then I had the webinar then I did some shredding. JPG Borrowed the car to take his little dog to the vet with a ripped toenail, Poor little Yorky

Good morning

 

Good memory, pretty little hounds

TNJ for such precious memories 

11-29-22

Sore hands this morning that’s what comes from holding too many devices specifically, this iPhone. But I don’t see me putting it down anytime soon  Nothing on my agenda today except webinar tonight  He will read to me shortly. We’re on David, Saul, and Benjamin, One of the most legendary adventure story passages in the Bible. I spent a lot of time reading GRR Martin Blood and Fire yesterday and watching the latest episode on TV last night  rather wonder if it’s not competing in my mind with Beelzebub’s Tales.  I have been working on GIG for more than 13 years now.  Not sure yet what the results are

Worker bees

 Last week

Waiting

 

We wait for things expected to happen, sometimes with a toy or friend. In this age of cel phones, always with a “toy”

                             Resting in the garage 

on the old couch, enjoying gentle summer rain and chill breeze with wafting green tr es. Reminds me of camping out. Thank you Jesus, for good memories and current impressions. 

Harrowing

Now that is a fungus

Jesus harrowed hell. I never heard of that before Wednesday webinar. 

This was a harrowing morning. Anger and resentment discussion with A immediately followed by psych session with E. A and JPG to BJ’s to pick up a shredder as soon as I got back. Fun “playing” with it on their return. A exhausted and hungry. Told me S already called. Her world falling apart over doctors. He’s napping now slouched on couch now in garage. Beautiful weather  also to As on way to work  

One big happy…

Busy, Sleepy, breezy

 

Just the front. Back is pinned up

Cut my own hair this am  am’ gonna love it…not  

Met and agreed to wall contractor w DH, 4k +600 for extra loan  Use the old brick  

Talked to Liz  Walked and conversed w/Ply, we have a lot in common  I like what I’ve seen so far  

VG transaction— will I get that sexy Scion JPG texted me?

NW came to do yard work same time as T from D lawn service. He had to postpone back yard til tomorrow. 

Exhilarating weather, heavy winds and rain showers. No AC on today that’s good  

Baruch will be at family reunion and Miss webinar next 3 weeks. I don’t know if I can stand that given all the Crazies in the group 

People and projects

 

Falling down

As planned, calls to masons, landscapers, one visit from Charlie of Cornerstone, who can’t start til spring, is 65, works with son and 20+yesr employee.  Called Carbone as promised to say I can’t commit yet. Appt w Harmon tomorrow and maybe Derrick. Then Jesse? Next Wednesday.

JPD came over to see if he could fix the paper shredder. It will be replacing since it was never oiled, and since people never know, they need to oil it he says  He and A will shop for one on Friday.  I really hate paper shredding and don’t know why I get stuck with it since A’s name is all over the papers. We had a long chat before he went home for lunch 

  Watched TV for a couple hours then heard from us regarding her immediately scheduled memo today;  she will need more follow up for a complete Phone call ended in a shouting aimed at me after I shouted into my phone to the third Scam, call. I got today from the same people take me off their list, I’m in the middle of hearing about possible cancer diagnosis in my daughter. Of course she’s right I shouldn’t have said a word, but those people are really getting on my nerves apparently 

Missed again

  

May I have another nugget, sir?

No post yesterday. Think I binge watched Belgravia most of the day. Did unfold and pact fabric shoebox for A   Webinar on love part deux last night, I brought up loving the  unlovable. Had a visit from C and Nola late after her return from UNH with daughter. 

     This am wrapped for PO I’s musical machine. Bolixed a couple of times, used up all the tape, so finished at PO. Bought more tape. Went to McD, drank sugary frappe, I thought I swore off them, now for real if I don’t forget. Burger and nuggets in park with Red and A. 

91° day, but it was pleasant enough overcast with a very pink light sunset sky tonight. Red offended a couple of dogs on Harrisburg at 7:30 AM walk. Oh well.  

  Good webinar today I actually enjoyed Stephon which is all he. really wants. I didn’t talk for an hour and I didn’t read beforehand; felt  great. Unser Deutsch Freundin sind im Portugal. We sang some responses very fun and funny. 

    I afterwards spoke briefly to I then An hour and 45 minutes with C and L. Which seems like a wonderful psychology session with me as listening, neutral force, and them alternating between active and passive. Seemed to clear the air between them quite a bit. He also gave me some advice on the retaining wall problem, especially regarding cost and workmen  

   Good news from S: Two medical doctors found to help her with a lump in her breast. 

   Resting after dinner now. Not enough attention to darling Red today,  I think.

    Lindsey Graham only 71, died Saturday night of a heart attack, my disease.  Scott Glenn died yesterday or today at 78, my age  I feel soberly, somberly mortal now. Hard to say RIP both when it could be me or A any precious moment  

Fine weather again

 

East and Beach toward Falmouth, Thursday

I love this picture

It is the family of

Victoria Wu of Mei Mei Teas

In Chengdu about 30-40 yrs ago

This is the kind of day we wait for all winter.  Slow start to the morning, but a lovely, 6 AM walk with Red. Odd I feel unspoken internal nagging about not doing work and my rejections of it that make me feel negative. And I want to worry about spending 25k on the yard. Did call for another estimate just now. Also ordered groceries. G webinar in a few minutes. See if that has an effect. 

No work at all today

May I please have another

Muddy debris from the river

I feel so guilty. A says not too

Met and anticipating quote on wall repair. JC Custom mating 20 to 25,000. Yikes. Plus, we need a new roof next year about 10 K  Good grief!

Watched movie, Ballerina from John Wick world  I liked it 

We went to Chick-fil-A And took it to the park for supper    City not keeping the shrubbery Cut down on the trail so you can’t see the river. Beautiful weather, however  And spoke to DJ. Many limbs down from storms yesterday in Columbus area  So he had clean up  Kindling for his fire pit