You’re fired!

 

9-12-25 Bogart. A tangled web

   Good grief!   Trump is backtracking all he’s done, at least with his appointment; Hegseth is the latest head to roll.  That won’t make him any more popular or effective, I think,  and signals RB may be right: Iran won the war. I decried that, but now must ask, has not that war killed Trump politically?  For all intents, he and all his marvelous grand plans for the country have been rendered lame duck; they will likely crumble over the next two years in the Democratic push for self-abnegation and annihilation.  I wonder what will become of Israel, too, God help them, too. Is this national shortsightedness really about the price of oil?  Well,  certainly I can see the other factors:  the  ICE martyrs, the DOGE corruption exposures’ surprising backlash, antisemitism and proHamas sentiment, demand for ever more universal government welfare expressed as anti capitalism pro communism, anti Christian and pro Muslim demands, anti police/pro criminal/anti victim, looting and street mobs gussied up as peaceful protest, and even RS’s typical liberal anti military rant founded on Vietnam Nam and Colonel Daddy issues (sorry getting too personal). That’s a lot of irrational antis. And I won’t get into the great racial divide. 

    The zeitgeist flipped overnight, like a fish out of water. Clearly, the population generally prefers flab to fierce, with no place for moderation or history, And I fear that even a personality as strong as Donald Trump can only act temporarily as a rock in the path of that cataract flow. I hope I’m wrong and that Vance, Rubio, Bessent, Cruz  and their compadres, can and will turn the flow again in two more years.  I also hope my President has a few more aces up his sleeve before then and that God really is on our side, even if God does not take sides. (By the way, listening to the Torah portions daily indicates to me that God does indeed take sides. Of course that’s another secularist argument to deny that God even plays a part in human affairs.)

     Lord help us!

Release

 

Quick stop in the rainy afternoon park we love

Another interesting coinkidink on NP astrology predicts of yesterday not even so-so, today outstanding in all thee signs. Wasn’t anticipating the pressure of three appointments today and I added a driving trip to Pharmacy at West gate. The five people I met today were pure joys. MM, our new Plumber and his dad, to start with. He proposed fixes for all my problems, not just the toilet upstairs, and he is so sincere and honest Yeah, I told him I was glad he came into my life.  CB will be my new hairstylist and she’s only five minutes away; her husband knew E and even S but is Practically family with P& J C. We have so many things in common in the neighborhood and town, including cancer;  he has been treated for leukemia yet is incredibly outgoing and cheerful. Then we met D from meals on wheels And made arrangements to start those next week thanks to DdiB Who told her she was like her daughter and will be our reference for that agency. Finally, Red and I went to Cvs West gate and US PO Complementing some cute ladies on the way. We intended to get Dairy Queen on the way home, but pulled out a line at the drive-through because they were taking too long in the car ahead  Sorry, folks! Not sorry  I should not be eating that anyway since I’ve gained 10 pounds this month Back up to 170  

  But the best news is that L is out of jail, and the debt has been cleared with state waiving their portion and MIL’s signature already collected on a document to drop her portion. TNJ!!!  I did my part too, thanks be that I could 

Blue wave blues

 

What next?  

Mike Johnson said “disappointed but never discouraged.”Right attitude. Now just drop it? I will never understand  the shortsighted American electorate. JG text of moving to New Hampshire, although I’m not sure that would do any good  how hard do people want to make life in this country setting of government at odds with itself? I think I have to tell Mike I am discouraged.

  Newspaper astrology gives me a so so day in all three signs and mercury is still in retrograde  So far my Plummer did not show up at 8 o’clock. He had an emergency elsewhere so I hope to see him at 1 o’clock.  Seems like this happens every time I try to hire a workman  As with the retaining wall project’s failure  

  On the other hand, what is there to look forward to? That’s good today?  Dwell on that  For example, I liked my Daichi installment for the day

My Plumber can’t come today at all. Hopefully, I will meet him tomorrow at 8 o’clock and not have to call somebody else.    

Hate to say it, but Ahole Booker he is right in saying, not a blue wave a blue tsunami

Tired and sleepy

Neighbors yard off Longfellow.

 Adorable young boy there said 

he and his mom do dog sitting; 

good to know,I said

 

 Adjusting to the time change is difficult, and I feel it today. S is feeling OK today; she had another infusion today. God bless her  Hope  L is adjusting to her new normal. Emailed MM about her son in military and how proud she must be of him; of course I know she was being shamed with denial and rationalization larded on.    

   We saw lots of neighbors today and enjoyed chatting with  Webinar went well a little strange, very stubborn reading:  A monk named Ignatius and Mont Saint Michel. Set up appointment to see Plumber tomorrow for new upstairs toilet and also meals on wheels lady after my hair on Thursday  Getting busy I guess. Weather temperature will be nice tomorrow too and was today. No more Werthers. That’s a good thing, don’t buy anymore!  I have gained back 5 lbs! 

    Is election night and it’s a blue flood unfortunately

Time change

5:35 am 

Fall back, spring ahead. A day out of this years DST so clock says 5:30. But Saturday this wad 6:30. Well I’m awake anyway for the past two hours. Mostly fretting about falling yesterday, on top of the crashes and near misses of this year. Hard to fill the joy of life. At least at this hour in the morning. 

The day after

 

H and P, two of my faves

JS costumed as a banana and we couldn’t see him at all. Thank goodness his parents were there and they were pretty cute too in one piece duck and manga costumes  F came as a little witch and her mom as the grown-up witch, T was with them in his T-shirt. Pretty dog Paris came as a ballerina  Only 11 Trick-or-treaters!  So few!  Also saw C and K And a cousin coming home From wherever they went door-to-door. I like those kids very much. A couple of the African kids were afraid of Red and wouldn’t come to the door of the 6 presumably from Greenfield. I loved the smiling faces of the ones who were actually friendly  it must be a new experience and kind of scary for them knocking on white people’s doors, even if candy is the reward. Two girls in particular, I would love to meet and talk to again. I know C and I were passing out candy and our wonderful Asian neighbors had their lights going full on so they must’ve been passing out candy, but I’m not sure how many other people were  So it’s harder for kids to do this neighborhood these days I’m guessing

More later; it IS Halloween

 Treats:

We’re ready 

So is Red

Roll him over 

Here’s a nasty trick. 

L is in jail for 20 days for unpaid child support of $6000, despite  the facts that she’s wheelchair bound and hasn’t worked in at least a decade. Never understood why she was ordered to pay child support anyway  I think this is her vengeful ex husband and his mother refusing to let go of a prosecution that should’ve ended years ago since their sons are both in their 20s and would not see a dime if the money was paid. 

I sent an email to JD Vance about the story, and it made me feel a bit better. Insult to injury, though: C says segregated from other inmates and no TV or books because of her wheelchair. I don’t know whether the time in jail will end the prosecution/persecution or whether they’ll keep coming after her for the money or more jail time in the future  Certainly unjust.

   C said this jail time will complete her debt. If so, she is earning $300 a day just staying there. Maybe psychological suffering, but logical way to pay off the debt since only the evil MIL would get the 6K if it were paid

Halloween was fun, but we only got 10 kids. That’s a lot of leftover candy and pretzels!

Wha-a-at

Yesterday s walk

Never know what will come down th road next. Nearly got tboned again today going through the intersection of the post office. 

 Ordered shoes for S, like she needs them. RDA called.  Wrote list of teaching difficult vhildren tips for K. Hope she gets help

So many sunny days

Home field this morning 

How DO I see conscious labor and intentional suffering play out in my life each day?  SF connects it to three centered being and self remembering, and he is not wrong, but in the application, that feels like applying the rules, making it an intellectual, self control process. That does not feel quite right to me these days. OK to get one started on the path. BP says coming to our web explorations for all these years is surely a conscious labor, and she is totally right. F says my willingness to expose myself, to embarrass myself and reveal my ignorance, paraphrasing, are admirable. But it’s not that or quite any of these things. I said it felt like an epiphany, reading BT p350

“But during the last two centuries this word has come to be used there now in two senses:

“In one sense it is used for the same purpose as before, that is to say, those beings there are so named who became initiates thanks to their personal conscious labors and intentional suffer-

ings; and thereby, as I have already told you, they acquire in themselves objective merits which can be sensed by other beings irrespective of brain-system, and which also evoke in others trust

and respect.”

It occurred to me that we acquire objective merits more through our own experience than through reading and repeating the wisdom of other acknowledged initiates. So I should be looking throughout my day to see how parktdolg duty plays out, more than reading more about GIG.  

It’s already noon, for example; Is playing with my dog because he’s asking me to an example of love 

and conscious labor, especially when I don’t particularly want to interrupt my intellectual/spiritual pursuit du jour?  And, is pretty much constant awareness and prayer for a daughter who resents me not intentional suffering?  Yet I need to look beyond those two constants—obsessions?  habits?—at my interactions with husband, neighbors, the neighborhood, and with God, don’t I? Possibly self, body, too. 

….,.,.,

Gwynne Mayer says in her Personality and Essence Substack of  10-27:

“Relationships reveal this division with unusual clarity. I often believe I am meeting another person directly, yet I may actually be bringing my expectations, fears, roles, and old grievances into the encounter. The other person does the same. Two personalities then negotiate, compete, withdraw, flatter, defend, and keep score, while genuine contact remains rare.””

Nicoll’s contrast between internal and external considering is especially practical here. Internal considering means being absorbed in how I am treated: whether I am sufficiently appreciated, understood, or respected. I replay a tone of voice, count what I have given, and build a case for why the other person is wrong. The more I rehearse the grievance, the more solid and justified it feels.

External considering asks something different. It does not mean surrendering judgment, tolerating harm, or pretending that every behavior is acceptable. It means trying to see the other person as they actually are, including their limitations, fears, and mechanical habits, rather than seeing only the injury to my self-image. It asks me to respond to reality instead of to the drama created by wounded vanity.”

Ain’t it the truth!

Last minute

 

Gladstone’s colors yesterda

Not a good day til webinar. Constipation, laxatives  hemorrhoids, small fissures, pain 26 hours. Poor Red. Not much attention except tossing to tubes. Feeling better tonight. Except anguish for S. Haven’t heard her voice since  “three little pigs”

JG took A grocery shopping after his four filling!! dental visit. What a good person he is. 

What next? Shadow time

 

Last night

Running out of time

 

Dog park trail today. Stinky!

Busy enough today. Stayed home. Read.  Good webinar though late due to Euro time zone changes. I was late too, fell asleep til 1:10. But as said postponed meeting til  2:00.  Worked on something I effectively; walked Red in dog park. Eating too much all day more later

Blow or glow?

 

Almost Halloween

Burned the beans. Cornbread hood. Dinner turned out ok

Thanks for food, Lord. And good weather. And sisters and neighbors And A

  Patrice said on web people just want to blow. Or was it glow?  In regard to computer age/ devices 

Phoned S to 10:40 to say goodnight. (and make sure she’s alive). How was your day?  “I had a pretty good day. “I just didn’t want to talk to the three little pigs. Take a day off.” OK. Click.  

Lord have mercy. 

I was whining. A said behavior counts. 

Unforglven. And sticky

The culprit Scpic today

Well, how could a daughter possibly forgive a mother who is an “airhead” and who does not take directions well and who never cared?  

I don’t remember a lot of things and it doesn’t pay to ask, regardless of how traumatic they were for her. Or other people  My bad memory may, I think, be a way of handling my own trauma, which never seems to end. And I pray Jesus for strength and helpers to see this life through to its proper end and not just give up. 

Not well today, she said; her ire raised the hen I didn’t know that she cervical displasia 2013 which would have been cancer in another month, had some chemo? And definitely surgery, going home post op on a bus  she saved an abused child calling DHS after a fellow rider said he heard a neighbor discuss making child porn 

So maybe she has good reason to accuse me as she does.  Except I can’t say why I forget  but I do

Woke up at 3:30 am when she messaged beautiful pics of a massive vegetable quiche she made. Fell back to sleep for an hour about 10am. This is annoying but funny and even scary. I had a Werthers hard caramel between my cheek and gum when I woke up, certainly did not remember putting it in my mouth. Lucky I did not swallow and choke. But the smell stupid funny bit was that I had slobbered for that hour , leaving 3/4 inch stocky wet spot inside the brown fleece anorak that I “never wear” but bid today. Intending onto give it away but not clean that up!

And I’d better lay off the candy

T&S had a Halloween party   Only saw 3 or 4 guests arriving in costume  Gladstone’s uber strong pot nearly knocked me over from across the street 

Dewey “ran away from home” and dropped in here an hour ago, just as Red did to Luca’s house while I was putting supper in the oven

Red and I walked in the schoolyard and shopped at Walmart today  I’m veery sleepy now waiting for C and Nola

Swearing

S’s vegetables, her pic

 Phone call devolved into high screech about bullying. Not allowed to say tone it down a notch we’re not against you. All because I mentioned the neighbors pale blue  No hate in Wbk sign. She was bullied and can’t forget or forgive or reconcile herself. What good does eternal victimhood serve?  Pitiable, but unless revenge is possible and effective, all lose. Guess that’s why I like the Equalizer movies. And we have Avengers stories. It comes back to the sinful nature of humanity. And ubiquity of suffering.  

Dump it on someone else and rationalize by admitting to “a little” profanity without acknowledging voice pitch or speed or volume. Or their effect on any of us. “A stream of the old rancid,” Maggie Smith denominated it in an old Poirot movie. But not a management tactic here. Only as A called it, hysteria, and fuel for future outbursts. 

Crotchety

 

Riverbank Trail yesterday

That’s me. Crotchety  but a am grateful for this beautiful autumn days, for friendly neighbors and their dogs, for home, town and country, for family, for moments of peace. 

Yard crew here today.

 

So much yummier, as Catwoman said 

Tidy

Now that’s a back yard, Daichi!

Thank you, Brody, and God bless you all. New men, one silent Latino, and Caz-Cazden—“my mom made it up .”

Refraction, reflection, whatever

 

Morning light

German webinar today went very well. Red and I walked the usual neighborhood path. Watched a Statham movie— not proud of it, but I like him

Wait for daylight

  

Rippling water in the park Sunday

Many events today. Started with Health insurance applications. Very good Aon Agent. JG came over and brought us a Trump dollar coin. He stayed to help me straighten out my Nighthawk app and setup. Watched TV and fell asleep a while  after that.  Finally got Red over to the schoolyard Then A and I cooked supper, chicken sandwiches and canned soup very good, who knew. Pictures of S with much hair loss plus wearing new wig, cute. Like a Mona Lisa waif. But it made me so sad

Icky

 

Two days ago

Imposition webinar and I offend. Japanese system says give up relationships that don’t serve you. So back up. Restate. 

Across the world

 

Daichi in Japan, supper 24 hours ago

I love this young man through his videos on YouTube. God bless him and his video work

  I did get pills packed, health insurance reviewed, took Julio to de schoolyard, 

Busy, busy, busy

 

Moist again today

Only one walk with Me and Red. A lot of ceiling at the computer setting up and frustrated by Aon PW‘s and IDs. Then call to doc’s offices Because DMV is requiring statements regarding my sleep apnea and, new, Arrhythmias. Where did they get their information? What’s up with the hippa laws not applying to the state and them using them against us, eg licensing?  Of course JG has that problem big time, poor lad. 

   S says she’s feeling better today, but that RR visit was scary for all of us. TNJ for each day of apparent healing. 

     A and I cooked haddock chowder tonight. The frozen prod—fish— is really good. Individually wrapped real fillets. 

    Spoke to L on phone; she’s house sitting for KB who’s doing Va midwestern foliage tour. 

    After the slump yesterday, today is satisfying. TNJ

Hard Times, Mr Dickens

 

Down by the Riverside yesterday 

Just don’t even want to talk about them today. Perhaps tomorrow

Exhausted. Red, to groomer, then grocery shopping, dead sleep nap, picked up Red and walked him. To O for first hair appointment. She double booked!  I did not know that term till she said she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t do it again  Not sure that’s gonna work for me.

P.m. now Sat ER for three hours worried about her heart and self diagnosing with me “pushing too hard”— criticizing/—via text then apologizing. 

I can’t get life right, Lord help me. Thank you. 

Lee van Lear daily Five Substack today, “everything here now” today:

The sensation of Being 

establishes the ground floor for every event in life 

and without it nothing lasts. 

The breath nourishes the roots of this sensation. 

And I become more whole. 

This sensation of being is what creates my individuality. 

An undivided perception of being. 

Everything here. 

In one place. Now. 

In this way, I am more prepared 

both to live and to receive this life. 

Many things become possible from this place 

which are impossible from any other place

including the development of a relationship 

with real feeling 

and the awakening of conscience. 

In contrast—not sunny

 

Back yard early

But we we’ll see what the day brings. Already had a wonderful episode of the Flaubert Report, my favorite from Lee. And the beneficence of Castor oil;  nasty I know, but I’m truly grateful  A&E conference starts today although I’m not going to participate. Webinar tonight. Busy hair day tomorrow for  both Red and me. 

New looks:

C’s birthday. She said these are her chemo curls.

S’s new glasses. First ones, progressives

Rainy day blues?

 

Another autumn still life, yesterday

So pretty, on Sac trail

We have and will have steady cold rain until tomorrow evening. It’s pleasant actually but niggles my mind to be tranquil about not walking or cleaning or decluttering. 

   Check out Catholic charities and Southern Maine agency on aging for helpers didn’t get very far. Do you need to get into Aon? Maybe tomorrow Thursday and Friday will be very busy. Hope my car is ready as promised Friday

Come back

 

Hit the floor.

 More comfy than the bed?!!

Calmer day

 

Autumn still life, today on our walk

  3:30 am heart to heart with A really eased my overwhelm tremendously. Lawyer, D, came down to help. It’s not an in alloyed help, but I won’t go into to the vagaries of that relationship. 

   The rain is peaceful tonight. I’m walking less. I posted a new album on his YouTube channel, really good music. S is visiting by phone. A blessed day. 

Good night/ good morning

 

WHS from shortcut walk 

to Hannaford long before bedtime 

Plans & Purchases

Trying on. S pic

I keep making them. Even if they give me a stomachache

So don’t forget this one

 

Sleepyhead this morning

Two calls from S this morning As usual, asking for money. This time the biweekly deposit early Not to mention, we already deposited for glasses on Monday  I don’t see you saying no ever just hope the stock market keeps going up which you did yesterday 1K. May be this is the price we’re paying for being irresponsible parents in childhood. Let me find that video by Rabbi Josh Gordon About educating children, the last two minutes were interrupted when I was walking Red after our Rainy morning turned sunny. I’m also waiting for Bill W regarding the retaining wall now

  He has come and gone. Inspires confidence, but it won’t be cheap and the big problem is getting equipment into the backyard especially since it will mess up D’s yard

JG’s morning

 

JG’s pic

My young friend JG texted me a funny story this morning:   he just went to Aldi’s and got there 20 minutes before it opened. A crowd of women waited outside, he was the only man. His mom had asked him to pick up a package of Halloween Need Ohs, which are squishy fidget toys. The ladies jammed in first, grabbed them, and yelling “we got them all!,” as they left him empty handed , avec rien, mit zilch, nada; he did not get a single one.  He’s laughing about it, but it’s disappointing.  He laughed at my labels of them as shopaholics and retail maniacs 

Reminds me of the old  Cabbage Patch dolls days for A and me. Then threes the old 1996 Schwarzenegger and Sinbad movie, Jingle All the Way. 

Wash, rinse, repeat

 

Rock Row yesterday noon

Ditto

I posted only the photo yesterday, a space holder, and never got back to it. I realized at one point late in the day how desperately fast the feeling of time/events passing was running, like I wanted to clutch the day with my hands and shake it and shout “slow down!”  I will go back to that post now to describe some of the events. May be reviewing them slows them down

Just to open it up

 

Autumn on our trail this year, Oct 3 

Roll back the day, from Tuesday. 

Morning auto trivia and cel mediation s with Chabad Torah Simchat add in very appreciated   Tads of business —fluxe emails, Brody called about retaining wall, googled ways to sell stuff.  Five stop car run: PO, bank, Market Basket, city hall to vote, McD for lunch. Walked Red everywhere. Home read in garage:  strange big drop, big plops sun shower, like joust over our heads nowhere else. No real cluttering but 2 each clothing items; A does not want to just let them go; we are not on the same page for this disposal project of mine. Supper —fluff San and milky stuff at 9:30,  before and after webinar. Liked the webinar, told my Ibrahim story at beginning, launched sending discussion at end. No meeting next week due to conference. C and Nola visited.  Go to bed

   S had her 2nd chemo today and seemed very zen. Nephew JW must have had his jaw fix surgery today. DB lost her 56 year old stepson, another of a long run of disasters for her. We re all suffering. Look for the joy with the grief. 

S’s Sunday Supper 

Ok then

Last night

 915 and big pop,  L saw a big flash JG Said transformer is out. So no electricity for a while. Fixed in about 85 minutes  

(From Gwynne) Rodney Collins, Mirror of Light excerpt applies to Ibrahim incident: 

“We are connected with everyone we have met or talked to or felt, because we have given them part of ourselves - our irradiations. It is not performance but irradiations that matter. Our reactions are physical;  we have to make them positive. If we think of ourselves everything goes wrong. If we forget ourselves we can do right. We cannot love everybody, but we are here to project harmony. If we have harmony we grow. To collect positiveness we must love people, really love them. Just love them. Everyone is in need of love; it is spiritual food. When we love people we give them our flesh and blood. Blood is emanations, flesh means our real self. 

To love is not an emotion nor a sensation nor an idea; it is the particular kind of irradiation that only a certain type of action can produce in us.

If a person feels affection for someone but is too lazy to help him, he does not love him. On the other hand a person may feel very irritated with someone, but if in spite of his impatience he makes an effort to help him, that is loving him. He projects to him irradiations that probably are of more help than his action, but which can only be set in motion by action with the intention to help. The only way to love our neighbour as ourself to learn how to com-municate with God. Then we have the grace to love both our neighbour and ourself.All functions are biological. Just as thebody functions are biological, so emotions have a biological basis. There are two kinds of negativeness. The kind that comes frominside is meanness; this is bad. But the negativeness that comes from outside is reaction; this is not bad. Often when we react irritably it is because we have an accumulation of body acids that need to be eliminated. We need to have an elimination of these acids at least once a week, in anger or tears or strong laughter. The mistake is when we identify ourselves with these eliminations and mix them with feelings. It is wrong to stop anyone from this kind of elimination; it does them harm in the same way it would do harm to stop a physical elimination. Babies are very wise; they know about this. They will cry till they are red in the face. Mothers should not pick them up till they have finished, though they must not be left to cry too long or they will form the habit. We must learn how to get rid of our emotional waste. Once aweek we should run, shout, laugh, cry, put it out of us. We should get rid of our physical reactions, but not against other people. We must know the difference between physical reactions, and feelings. We must never hurt anybody; apart from that it does not matter how we work off our emotional waste. When we have eliminated it we will be clean.

The cleaner we are outside the cleaner inside. If we are clean the pores of the skin are ready to get rid of adds and we will be more healthy. Cleanliness depends on how we were brought up. We have to be clean as a base, to be virile, strong. Our housesshould be clean. There is a Russian saying: 'Where there is dust there is a devil'. God only comes into clean things. When we understand cleanliness we have to cultivate neatness. We should always be aware of neatness, for it helps very much with self-respect. After neatness comes smartness, a combination of quality, suitability and fashion that is within the reach of everyone with taste and intelligence. It does not of necessity mean being dressed in the latest fashion, for often fashion means making oneself look ridiculous in order not to be thought ridiculous.

When instead of saying: 'I feel so lazytoday', we turn our lethargy intopositiveness by saying: 'I must dosomething to get out of this', we find that we have more energy than if we gave in to it. We must try to convert our negativeness into positiveness. We must make everythingpositive by our wish, by our strength, by our efforts. If there is one person who is depressed in a gathering of people he can make everyone else depressed too.”