Missing my grandson

 

So Five Guys and the Ws 

went to East End Beach

For supper and we beat 

the 91° heat

Thank you, Lord for your wonderful natural air-conditioning. It was so fine to see so many people out, enjoying the wonderful summer weather, too. Contrasted with my grumpy days lately, including today  

  Thank you for F and her mom visiting me while work was being done on their house. Thank you for the Work who came to your house today and fix the garage door and for Englishmen who fascinated A as they sold us blinds. 

  Fatigued but must say a good day, all in all. IJN. 

Start up

  

This evening, C stopped to greet us

C is starting up his own business, washing garbage cans. Good luck to him. 

Active day, started with paper sorting in the garage and a visit from F and her mom before their trip to a butterfly farm. Then Fe infusion to noon thirty and N came to do yard work. I stepped into bucket of stagnant water. Lol. A and Nola stopped in for a visit. We rested up after the yardwork  Before dinner red and I walked and met up with HF and P and then C. Home prepared supper and sat out a few minutes  Did not go to webinar tonight either.  R sent me a note.   Really very achy and tired  seems like all day   

Two men in infusions clinic today:  in pain. Must be cancer., with talk of Keytruda and “port”. One lamented his age and never expecting the change wrought in two years: hiking Rockies then; couldn’t fly tomorrow to retrieve his truck in Dallas due to his treatment today I get it now, dealing with constant pain and unsteadiness. Sympathy for Zac. 

Depression

Love is the topic

 

Leaving   Good bye, dear one

Distinction made between love as sacred impulse and as feelings. Me : to realize I don’t love someone l truly deeply love. R said “parts.”  Depletion and fulfillment. Love draws emotions out of you. Am Igetting this right?

Cause

 

Beauty disturbing the peace 

JC called the police and shoved one of JG’s friends last night 

Departure

 

Missed it!

I saw I’s plane in the air at 6:55 but could not snap a pic fast enough so just got the Air. Ain’t that always the way?  We left the house about 435 and had to turn around to go get the wallet with the ID three minutes later  Arrived in plenty of time with probably too many instructions for him and granddad walked him up to the security line After they rushed off without saying goodbye to me, dirty dogs! Red slowed me down So I thought I missed them, butThey did see me in the terminal entrance anyway. One more hug  Of course I found I had left the car engine turned on. Again  I hate those Automatic start buttons!  Email flurry already this morning. Amusing. We need to rewrite my morning startup. I guess excluding my grandson.

Happy 58 th Anniversary

 

Housefly dying. Rather beautiful 

Hot time, summer in the city

 

Trio

Staying indoors it’s so darn hot. I have saddle sore from sitting so much At the top of my Right leg really hurts. S left early to bed but no hard feelings.  I’m feeling better, not trying to control everybody but the heat is irritating me. 

We finished reading The Hedge Knight. So good!  ALLAN also read Samuel to me today  I and I watched another Korean film, Memories of Murder. Very disturbing film. 

Broke down and wore the shorts

Day to Knight

What a fine hobby. 

Great surprise at the park when S, I and I took Red to the park in the early evening yesterday.  A club of knights was breaking up, but I got a chance to chat with a couple of them while the kids my progeny walked the dog for ten minutes. Fun!

Looks like an old Ser Dunc

Blonde looks like former student, David

LLB employee for day job

Webinar friction

 

Last night

Stephan at Deutsch- English session today. Dread. But some smooth discussion after he launched a mini assault and we duked it out verbally.  “I resent…. Women don’t… I’m 70 yrs old..  I accept your apology.”  “I didn’t apologize. Gurdjieff paid the man who created friction at the Prieury. I like you; you’re an interesting person. I am rude; I work on that.”  Not dull. 

Deck time

 

Heute

Mini golf with JG fell through so w are spending pleasant summer morning on the deck. We had a confrontation and conversation re eye contact and joining talk in front of N during a break from her weeding work. N even commented essentially some people weren’t raised right. Probably over the head. We certainly differ in our social expectations I and I. I think I will suggest etiquette lessons to his dad, not that it will do more than offend. But offending never stopped me. Other than social awkwardness, he’s perfect. My concern for that trait is failed opportunities for him in employment and friendships. Now I’ve observed and discussed the situation, I can mention to E then let it go

   MF said in webinar yesterday, “ disappointment is not an emotion. It is a situation, probably accompanied by emotions like anger, fear, sadness. But once you see it, Freedom from illusion the results.

Beautiful tonight

 

Willard strollers

Probably 13 or 14 years since I went to SMCC or Willard Beach. So beautiful, I forgot and so close to the whole harbor unlike the Portland side.  We talked to a lovely lady and her tiny frail 18 year-old doodle extensively while I walked to the beach. I could not get down on the beach in a longer. The rocks are too treacherous, and the path I remembered was blocked. A very fine evening, all in all  

  I and I watched a terrific South Korean film til late in the day, “No Choice”. And I mentioned another called “Parasite” to get on demand before he leaves if we can.  I learned a lot from people, especially our children. 

Hey! This isn’t right!

Classic. See the headlight?

Good God

Live music. How rare

Thank you. But how awful to make an internet meds and waste countless hours fretting it. Pleasant though to go to Wbk Connect in cool evening shade with I and A and Red. We shared a tasty quesadilla as well as the

Vendors: flea market

Crabby

Unpleasant dreams every morning, dammit. Stress and anger apparently 

Lobster role today?

 

Yes indeed. And fried clams (mine)

A good day yesterday, all in all. I walk into town for lunch at Don’s  See throw past him happily talking on his phone  I didn’t see it so I don’t care  

  Pearls before Swine comic strip has been right on target regarding my mood lately: today Wise Ass on the hill Answers Rat’s question, what is the key to contentment?   Realizing that you can’t change other people. No, what are you gonna do?  Still try to change other people. Not sure why I do this  Good advice for me

    Monday just as appropriate for me:

Psych soc worker today

Monday sleepyhead

Not in a good mood so that might be a good mood to see this person in; woke up after 3 1/2 hours with CPAP and 4:40; nice back rub from A, but feel tired even though back to sleep till 7:30 from about 6:15; no exercise at all; beautiful day. I don’t like being responsible, in charge, denying that I am when I take it on intentionally.  Intentional suffering. Always making small plans and anticipating their outcomes.

I like the colors in these pics

First day of summer

Are power lines photogenic?

I read again, hedge knight, book 3.  Doctor appointment, nothing new. Goodwill bins visit first time, don’t like them; Gorham trail walk. L visit;  I participated so finely all day. Activities felt joyful, hopeful. 

Watched tv, first episode of house of dragon, with much enjoyment. 

  Just took a tick off Red;  showed  I the process  

I’d say yes

Father’s Day

 

Man at work

La la la

Another fine day, TYJ

 

Red on the trail, by I today

Didn’t seem to start out that way. Grocery shopping and the old folks crashed and burn for several hours in the early afternoon  I was bored out of his wits, I think, so I  him out for a downtown walk with three assignments: Take pics; Make eye contact and talk to somebody; ponder while walking, What do I want to do with my life?

    Got back just as Red and I were heading to schoolyard, so I asked him to drive us. We walked the short  fave Sac trail and encountered a fine young man with a skateboard he greeted me pleasantly. Back in the parking lot, he came over to speak and I got  out of the car and amiably joined the conversation. I love the smile for two young men  And the Lively, discussion of schools and film and theater. Very much hope to encounter B again.

Excellent weather

Red lounging around the corner today

Yesterday 

I snapping

A few more pics. I’m tired. Stormy weather yesterday sunny and windy today both beautiful days

     I feel like I am turning myself inside out and doing the same to I and the rest of the family. Planning and supervising daily events. Spending money 💰 more than freely, maybe foolishly ttbut not caring. I’m tired and and too much. I and Red seem so too. What am I trying to accomplish this month, with these people, my family?  I can’t name it. It doesn’t feel peaceful or internal or godly or maybe even goodly. Am I expecting something in return?  External considering or mistaking internal considering for that?

No more beans

 

Grandson’s photo yesterday across the bay

We walked back bay yesterday and this is ian’s picture of the new construction on the old B&M baked beans site. I wonder where they make that product now

Good Wednesday night webinar and some good feedback by email regarding my response to Stephen. The anxiety is going away today.

S got back safely from her dental appointment. Her poor mouth is full of silver stitches, which have to come out on -1.  Poor girl or maybe not so much since we have dental work that saves teeth

Chief Feature

                   

Neighborhood Flowers yesterday

   S is on her way to Boston for a serious dental fix. Sunny and cool today with 9 days of rain predicted. Better mood me but still conflictied about Stefon. Wish he would’ve led just go away. 

  What I would say if I could to him and the group: Maybe name my chief feature, which I am not proud of:  you cannot win an argument with me unless I let you.  Stubborn, tenacious I guess.  If I acknowledge that, will it go away? Probably not, but I may become more centered even if I do keep Automatically swatting mosquitoes

Fight

 

Tough cookie. Nasty piece of work. 

I’m tired of hearing you talk, I told Stefan in webinar today. And dressed him down in no uncertain terms. What do we make  of that in the work or the group?  I said I deal with that constantly  I also know I’m not an iota sorry  ironically Gwynne posted on saying no, setting boundaries on her substack and I read it immediately after the brouhaha  also read it , who seemed to appreciate it bottom line, I am very tired of managing and nagging  mao e cardio sat an appt with psyche nurse and I caught it exact it will do me good  

 I and JG went to OOB today; brought home another claw machine plush; nobody got his feet wet or sandy.  S  arrived  with calm mood prevailing all evening  we went to Clambake for fried fry fry; no crowd, outdoor picnic with Red tagging along  It amazes me how little joy and festivitity I see in such an event, treated like vin ordinaire when I the payor see as rare champagne.   

Natalie worked hard and effectively. Her gardening results look good

More Clambake pics:  

Fun times

 

It all speaks for itself

Yesterday at the beach was a happy time. I’d Big smiles as opposed to the neutral or pained look as as usual aspect was heart lifting. The sea air truly is a tonic to breathe,and the view of port harbor, ocean, and islands  never ages. Dogs playing together and splashing in the water cheer and glade the heart  Red is not a water dog, but he romped joyfully with those who were, and he left the beach with a damp, sandy belly after a stretching  recline at waters edge,

Grandson walked up to food trucks and consumed quesadilla for supper. I got a small gelato and insisted everyone taste it red and I liked it best. 

A had dinner at home, Leftovers prepared as I talked to sis L. He talked to the most.  High anxiety over niece M bolixed her day  pretty sure he cheered her up

First sergeant

 

My favorite apple tree, progressing.

Everybody hates me for giving orders, and I can’t stop doing it. I strongly feel like it’s my job, my duty, right now, and I have low energy and little time to fulfill it. I don’t want to be the boss. But somebody needs to step up and I don’t see any other volunteers . So I catch resentment for it, but I push anyway.  Can’t slack off, time as well as energy is limited. 

Hot and heavy

My darling this evening 

I would rather think about today’s events than write them out: interactions with Jake, $50 AC very noisy but cool, Costco trip, wonky leg developed. Giving too many orders again oh yeah, I forgot crappy time on computer with Passwords for A. I helped. All feels so tiresome Yet for the activity. Comparisons with my inactivity pop-up and I realize I need to be more active when I leaves.