New day

 

Odd. Mixed signals?  Yesterday’s walk

We will see what what combination of despair and hope it brings, for each and all. God help us. 

Roll out. A bit late

Horseshoe chestnuts on  NG Rd this morning

What a mess

  But I got the floors cleaned today, mostly. Inspired by young Daichi’s example on YouTube. Spoke briefly to I he spent last night with his girlfriend instead of his new dorm room apparently.  Ain’t love grand. One mile walk with Red, only one today. Apparently, we’re gonna have a new market where the old one was this was called Westside Mkt.  maybe not a Japanese convenience store, but a convenience store nonetheless.

Gray morning, sleepy

Sunset, yesterday evening, 

Masonic carpark

 Sleepy all day it turned out. A went to BJ’s with PG. We talked to I who is back at school in a suite with three roommates which may be very good for him. 14th floor!!! however.  He checked in about 9 AM. Then we spoke to E who gave us those details. Drove at start of misty rain to DQ—McD line too long at 3 pm—then to the park just as it stopped. Drive, walk, and eat—how yesterday for me, not to mention unsafe. African boy on a motorized bicycle buzzed by, very scary. The speed he went. A saw him too, coming and going.  I asked three then a fourth Hispanic youths about an Abandoned bicycle by the railroad track bridge. I don’t think they understood me I called public safety to come and collect it. The fourth kid was sitting on the steps of the bridge smoking the foul Doobie. He looked like a 12 year-old and I said a little young for that, aren’t you? He just gave me an embarrassed grin. Did not know anything about the other bicycle don’t think he even saw it there 6 feet away from him. I told him he probably better move on before the policeman came by and saw him  He passed by as we reached the car. Never know who you will meet in the park these days  Can be very interesting  came home and went home and mostly went to sleep again like all morning sleeping all day sleeping all night

  Heard from S by text  She put me in my place And I guess I owe her thanks since I know how we stand, but it’s still difficult  I really have to attend to how much I want to make this about me which I think is not so very much but more than is necessary. Especially in regard to sharing with other people the situation with others.

  To quote her,

, I’ve had to take care of myself, without you, throughout a lot of hard stuff. Perhaps the dogs sensitizes you. You’re stepping in, though the concern is appreciated, causes further irritation and aggravation.

Honestly, your bedside manner is terrible and I do not share your mindset and logic.

As for last night, you didn’t have a thing to do with that upset. When I’m upset it’s best to back off, know when to quit, don’t further harangue and provoke.

She’s absolutely right, although it stings, since it names my buffered characteristic of making everything about me.

   Then now I’m back to worrying in my own end of life, materialistic disposal concerns  without actually doing anything about them  I am advised people can help you, but I don’t find people who do, as I people who give the advice  seems like that’s an honest concern anyway  

     Went to PSC last night.  The dank  smell and hard chairs sent me home early. Really just intended to inform them of my current situation, I think, since I’m not likely to attend much more, if at all. All my religious groups arevgiven up now I think, probably to my detriment. 

   Watched new YouTube post and subscribed to Daichi, a 23 year old making his way in life in Tokyo.  So real, so much like My grandson’s life stage.  God bless him, God bless them both 

  I can’t figure out how to do a link so you look for him yourself on YouTube:

Reaching out

6-10-2015

Text to B and T C now:   

Hello, I have been thinking about you both this summer and B and family. I’m rather depressed however so not up for a phone call yet  But I do want to let you know that my daughter S  just discovered she has breast cancer. This will be difficult for us because she has no friends or family to help her through it and we are so old and far away that I’m not sure how much help we will be for her. I know you will keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  And I cherish the idea that you are my mother‘s sister.  There is still connection among us all as long as there is life and beyond. Love Sandy

Night

 

Copy. Outdoor living room

Asleep at 9:15. Awake at 1:10. Texting S so she must be rather anxcious. Then Red was sick to his stomach, clean up duty. 3:06 now. It’s been a full morning already. Best wishes to all those I love who can’t sleep. 

Finally dozed off about 530 to 7 AM  Thought I would be too tired to get out of my own way all day, but I’m OK   Took red to You Dirty Dog for a bath. D there recommended a groomer in Oak Hill plaza And start using a halter  I may take her up on both  I really like her business and her   We stopped at McDonald’s and the school yard on the way home so for me it was a fun day

 Spent too much time on sudoku, thinking it would put me back to sleep, but of course it did not this time

Well, some of us were sleeping

I like all the feet

Walk in the woods: poison oak, not ivy

     I am starting to feel tightness of anxiety in my left chest and side. I push back against it. I think listing what I “accomplished “ today will help:  texting S and S. Sudoku. Utube shorts for distraction. Bathe Red at atop Dirty Dog ; walk Sac trail with Red and hamburger; drive A to Staples, walk him; buy supper; all the bedtime minutiae plus make the bed;  talk to S by phone, stay neutral with accusations warped around DJ and shaming her and my adopting the behavior she’s so sure she sees but I don’t  Visit and talk   with .  Pill packing ;On verge of sleep finally good night I hope as I driftp

Sadness sets in

On my floor yesterday evening

S is kindly checking with S to ask if She would like to connect with her niece K who is currently being treated. I hope she does

 Finished the Martin blood and Fire Book. Not read anything with that many pages of years

Now what?

 

Unchanging?  No; nothing is

Saw JW and his two westies, Stewart and Sproket, yesterday afternoon, first time in a while. Ayla is gone. 

Can’t see around the corners.Red ran out the house at 9 PM last night toward the barking and came right back with the big dog came along and asked if they could play a minute I said sure and sorry he got off leash. They started doing their twirls. Next thing I saw she was on the ground poor thing glad I didn’t fall, but I feel terrible for her.  Nola was up in her driveway all this time. We went for a little walk. My heart was not in it, ping-ponging between daughters, distracted by dogs. 

Bought a new mattress with S this pm

Another blow

 

Yesterday

Her diagnosis is malignant. Cross the bridges as we come to them

  I get so tired of hearing people talk. 

Back at clambake again

This is what I should have posted yesterday from Saturday evening. It was a wonderful spontaneous visit in the head steamers for the first time and I don’t know when I like the landscape of the marsh in the evening sun was beautiful on it

Living in clover

 

And loving it

  Not doing anything today. Absolutely beautiful late summer day, cool sunshine  Made homemade no baked cookies; don’t need to do that again. Talked to DJ since he got home from his travels always good to talk to him   Dreamt about visiting him in his house after falling back to sleep this morning  Still having digestive issues, wish that would go away

Steamers at the marsh

Things perked up in the evening and 

we took a spontaneous trip to the clambake

Back to visit

 

What a cutie. HF back to visit