Sitting it out

On the trail, 3:30 yesterday.  Storm warning?

Sure looks like it 

     Quiet, restful but not sleepy; listening to the wind  howl and the electric heater’s noise; comfortable with Red and me in our habitual positions near the stove. Sipping tea.  It’s a usual morning with a different setting.

      So is there a different taste to time, when the same events are set in a different frame?  Observe….

    I see, sense:

 -shoulder muscles are getting stiff and achy, leg muscles  are not. 

 -The thinking brain is quiet and receptive.

 -My emotions are calm and satisfied.

 -Sometimes I spontaneously observe my breathing and make it deeper, remembering that scan diagnosis, scattered atelectasis. And “in Afib 59% last week”on iPhone report.  -I don’t feel those physical conditions, but reading about them changes my emotion almost immediately to “pre” worry from calm. Hmmm

“What is Time, as we ordinarily understand it? A single track succession of events. At every given moment we are called upon to make a choice among a number of possibilities and at every such choice the unchosen possibilities are, as it were, sacrificed. Time as succession is simply the actualization of one possibility out of many in each successive moment. Could we actualize two possibilities, or three or four at once, we should be living in two or three or four different streams of time. Our life, though no longer than before, would nevertheless contain more time. We should be living several ordinary lives at once.” 

      A.R. Orage, No. 7, Psychological Essays, quoted in Lee van Laer Substack, Journal of Gurdjieff Studies, 2-20-26

Free spirit

 

Taos Pueblo, 4-3-2017

     I loved this dog as soon as I saw him in the Pueblo, and he followed me around for a while, probably because I was willing to share my fried dough with him.  No attachments or illusions between us. I noticed that Indian dogs run free in packs, so i suspect that nobody gets too attached. I’m glad he posed for this picture.

    In these days when I mostly sit home idle with no desire “to do,” I am grateful for the images, objects, and memories  that call up the active times of my life.

     And speaking of time, as in the Orage quote in yesterday’s post, I observe that time flies even faster in idleness than busyness.

     That fine canine is likely dead now, but here am I keeping its memory green, bless it.

Newfallen

 

Fresh snowfall. Still falling at 7:15 am

JP is handling it again

    By noon sunshine melted roads and driveways that had been cleared of the deep stuff.  A nor’easter is expected tomorrow night through Tuesday.  Hope we don’t lose power.

   Grandson I posted two enjoyable brief songs. Wish someone influential would “discover”’ him. I sent the music to sibs, and Sis D responded favorably. That makes me happy. 

     I’ve been chewing over—worrying?— my new medical report. What can or should I do, about hardening arteries and collapsing lungs?  Of course, I’ll call next week if I see nothing posted on the Cardiology website. I haven’t done too much about it today:  Still eating candy and sweets, walking later and less, and admittedly too sedentary, all of which I could easily rationalize as result of those conditions.  I feel guilty about not taking care of my body, but lazy about making efforts or talking to potential helpers.  Do I really just want to be left alone about it?  I hope not. That’s a deadly attitude.

     “The complaint of the idle that they have not time is, of course, unjustified. Their remedy is simple: they should get and keep busy. But from the very active people whose lives are full and who still do not find life full enough, the complaint against time is reasonable. You live at full speed; every moment is occupied; you have no complaint that life is empty, but only that it is too short. Twenty-four hours to the day with the enforced idleness of sleep is altogether too small an allowance of time for the things one wishes and has the opportunity, but for time, to do. What is the remedy for this happily unhappy state of things? We cannot lengthen time. We already have all of it that there is.”

 (my italics)

 

      A.R. Orage, No. 7, Psychological Essays, quoted in Lee van Laer Substack, Journal of Gurdjieff Studies, 2-20-26

Noticed an odd snow formation, like a perfect pipe,

on the edge of the garage roof

Later in the day

Brings back old times

 

Maine Medical Center about noon today

     I worked here for about five years In the 1970s. It has changed a lot as anyone would expect  So many more buildings now than then. Hi, was in for medical exam test today in the radiology lab not far from where my desk was all those years ago  Can’t go in the front door anymore though unless you’re an employee or one let you win as one kindly did today so I didn’t have to walk 1,000,000 miles

     We ate take in after the medical foray and skipped supper.  Red got the short end of that stick— not good quality meat for him. 

     Little guy and I went to the school yard around 4:30, and thoroughly enjoyed playing with three dogs and their props. Bruno the red golden baby. My Red growled and snapped at the 3 mo old to my mortification, and but his ladies were ok about it.  I wasn’t. He then romped with Mowgli , who let off Agee marks at him. Then he ran with h Indy, the little red Cavalier. Gun times all told

     A won our Scrabble game tonight. Congratulations, Desr. 

Year of the horse

 

My neighbor’s wonderful Lights

     Fun outing with Red yesterday to Rock Row and park, chicken nuggets, peppermint shake and almond cookie. Chicken pie for supper was extra tasty. Then brouhaha at webinar, not fun. Horse is emotion, right?

Gnomeo?

Household still life, Monday pic

     I never saw that movie, but I do intensely like Black Forest gnome figures.  Perfect spot here for one on a painted deer chest that I picked up from a neighbor’s driveway when she moved away a few years ago. Such an object keeps her in mind -“keeps her memory green”- with wishes for her well being, as photos of loved ones do as well.  I think I already posted this guy before, when his package arrived on a cold dark evening when a wind broke off the tip of his cap. Turned out well, looks good with leftover Christmas ornaments coming out the hole.  

     So I’m repeating myself. Old people do that. 

    C and Nola visited last night.  They had a good trip to TN, including the Suffragettes monument and fried green tomatoes on grits. 

     Jour ordinaire shaping up. We’ll see .

A walk in the woods, sort of

Yesterday, a mile from home:  a nest (wasp or bird?), power  line, well groomed snowmobile trail, happy dog on the trail

     That may have been our best walk of the year yesterday: brisk pace, crisp temperature, clear sunshine and shadows, seven snowmobiles passing at different times, two pleasant encounters with people and dogs.  Life doesn’t get any better.

     In contrast, webinar last night was unpleasant. G immediately started whinging about ICE and “politics” and what Work can be done to possibly improve her state. Everyone else jumped into the liberality, including of course Leader R, who said this time OK to talk about events  that trouble us. I dropped a bomb late with, “Would you smile at an ICE agent?” And added a few more choice comments, including: we don’t all believe/ accept that point of view.  How you feel about ICE is how I feel about riots posing as peaceful protest that could lead to civil war .  We all just want to confirm our own opinions. We're all rich (no we’re not; of course we are, yet we/you target the wealthy —for (implied Trump, Epstein) sexual exploitations. Now you’ll vote me off the island. No we won’t,  we still like you.  And I still like you. I want to stay in the work. And my aim is to develop Objective Reason. And serve the Absolute (for god’s sake don’t say God!).  Guess I momentarily wrecked a real Kumbaya hour, but R pulled it back together, as usual, Coach.

     I have no illusions in this group however.  Just reminded them where I stand, as I did at least two times before. They certainly do not know me, likely dislike me, and probably don’t want to hear me talk. Early in R marveled at the wonder of words, that is, development of speech, language, reading, writing.  I also remarked, unheard pretty much, that for two previous sessions, my only comment was essentially words D’s are failing me. All I say is lifted from someone else, even if Work writers. G jumped in with “talk about your experience; how do you get along with husband?” and I brushed that off. Mentioned instead my rift with Sis L since Minneapolis. “So sorry.”  I also made a terrible flop joke about Sis C becoming an “inconvenient woman” by surviving cancer (I told her that, too, though it doesn’t excuse my attempt to relieve my own stress and grief by resorting to what I classify as irony that actually eludes my intended audience.

     I wound up by pointlessly reading two lines on self remembering and consciousness from Orage via Lee, repeating R’s link of the two concepts.  This emphasizes to me we’re all reading and repeating each other.  But I had already said more than enough. If i want to talk about an inconvenient woman , just look in the mirror.

Stop it

 

Darn cute. Timmy 2005

     -Stop talking to me that way. You talk to me that way. To give you a taste of your own medicine.  You are trying to tell me what to do.  No I’m not; I think I’m trying to commiserate; I guess I’ll just have to stop talking to you.- 

     Grousing. How many times? Daily? Weekly?  Too many. Old men and old women. Contempt.

      -Did I tell you today I love you?  Yes. I love you, too.-

    What’s the truth?  Well, we’re good with ambiguity, aren’t we?  What do these exchanges reveal about self love— none,  just right, or  too much?  

      All of these questions. Who am I asking anyway?

      So we talked about the problem.  Now we will see if it changes. 

Dark and light

 

On the trail yesterday

     All about contrast.  Phone call to bro, sis D and sis C yesterday and today, caught up on family news more or less.  

     Two work conferences to consider, Montreal in fall or Charles Town WVA in May which I like to consider as an Amtrak trip. We’ll see.

Yesterday and today

   MMC from Intermed yesterday

     Doctors appointment yesterday with her nurse, very pleasant. Nothing unusual to report. I mentioned the appointment I was supposed to have with Cardiology last fall, but never did and ironically got a call about an hour ago for the test for amyloidosis next Friday. I’m a little nervous.

     Spending my time watching TV. Especially Rember the Titans and Dark Winds.