Not in a good mood so that might be a good mood to see this person in; woke up after 3 1/2 hours with CPAP and 4:40; nice back rub from A, but feel tired even though back to sleep till 7:30 from about 6:15; no exercise at all; beautiful day. I don’t like being responsible, in charge, denying that I am when I take it on intentionally. Intentional suffering. Always making small plans and anticipating their outcomes.
I read again, hedge knight, book 3. Doctor appointment, nothing new. Goodwill bins visit first time, don’t like them; Gorham trail walk. L visit; I participated so finely all day. Activities felt joyful, hopeful.
Watched tv, first episode of house of dragon, with much enjoyment.
Just took a tick off Red; showed I the process
Didn’t seem to start out that way. Grocery shopping and the old folks crashed and burn for several hours in the early afternoon I was bored out of his wits, I think, so I him out for a downtown walk with three assignments: Take pics; Make eye contact and talk to somebody; ponder while walking, What do I want to do with my life?
Got back just as Red and I were heading to schoolyard, so I asked him to drive us. We walked the short fave Sac trail and encountered a fine young man with a skateboard he greeted me pleasantly. Back in the parking lot, he came over to speak and I got out of the car and amiably joined the conversation. I love the smile for two young men And the Lively, discussion of schools and film and theater. Very much hope to encounter B again.
We walked back bay yesterday and this is ian’s picture of the new construction on the old B&M baked beans site. I wonder where they make that product now
Good Wednesday night webinar and some good feedback by email regarding my response to Stephen. The anxiety is going away today.
S got back safely from her dental appointment. Her poor mouth is full of silver stitches, which have to come out on -1. Poor girl or maybe not so much since we have dental work that saves teeth
Neighborhood Flowers yesterday
S is on her way to Boston for a serious dental fix. Sunny and cool today with 9 days of rain predicted. Better mood me but still conflictied about Stefon. Wish he would’ve led just go away.
What I would say if I could to him and the group: Maybe name my chief feature, which I am not proud of: you cannot win an argument with me unless I let you. Stubborn, tenacious I guess. If I acknowledge that, will it go away? Probably not, but I may become more centered even if I do keep Automatically swatting mosquitoes
I’m tired of hearing you talk, I told Stefan in webinar today. And dressed him down in no uncertain terms. What do we make of that in the work or the group? I said I deal with that constantly I also know I’m not an iota sorry ironically Gwynne posted on saying no, setting boundaries on her substack and I read it immediately after the brouhaha also read it , who seemed to appreciate it bottom line, I am very tired of managing and nagging mao e cardio sat an appt with psyche nurse and I caught it exact it will do me good
I and JG went to OOB today; brought home another claw machine plush; nobody got his feet wet or sandy. S arrived with calm mood prevailing all evening we went to Clambake for fried fry fry; no crowd, outdoor picnic with Red tagging along It amazes me how little joy and festivitity I see in such an event, treated like vin ordinaire when I the payor see as rare champagne.
Natalie worked hard and effectively. Her gardening results look good
More Clambake pics:
Yesterday at the beach was a happy time. I’d Big smiles as opposed to the neutral or pained look as as usual aspect was heart lifting. The sea air truly is a tonic to breathe,and the view of port harbor, ocean, and islands never ages. Dogs playing together and splashing in the water cheer and glade the heart Red is not a water dog, but he romped joyfully with those who were, and he left the beach with a damp, sandy belly after a stretching recline at waters edge,
Grandson walked up to food trucks and consumed quesadilla for supper. I got a small gelato and insisted everyone taste it red and I liked it best.
A had dinner at home, Leftovers prepared as I talked to sis L. He talked to the most. High anxiety over niece M bolixed her day pretty sure he cheered her up
