Reaching out

6-10-2015

Text to B and T C now:   

Hello, I have been thinking about you both this summer and B and family. I’m rather depressed however so not up for a phone call yet  But I do want to let you know that my daughter S  just discovered she has breast cancer. This will be difficult for us because she has no friends or family to help her through it and we are so old and far away that I’m not sure how much help we will be for her. I know you will keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  And I cherish the idea that you are my mother‘s sister.  There is still connection among us all as long as there is life and beyond. Love Sandy

Night

 

Copy. Outdoor living room

Asleep at 9:15. Awake at 1:10. Texting S so she must be rather anxcious. Then Red was sick to his stomach, clean up duty. 3:06 now. It’s been a full morning already. Best wishes to all those I love who can’t sleep. 

Finally dozed off about 530 to 7 AM  Thought I would be too tired to get out of my own way all day, but I’m OK   Took red to You Dirty Dog for a bath. D there recommended a groomer in Oak Hill plaza And start using a halter  I may take her up on both  I really like her business and her   We stopped at McDonald’s and the school yard on the way home so for me it was a fun day

 Spent too much time on sudoku, thinking it would put me back to sleep, but of course it did not this time

Well, some of us were sleeping

I like all the feet

Walk in the woods: poison oak, not ivy

     I am starting to feel tightness of anxiety in my left chest and side. I push back against it. I think listing what I “accomplished “ today will help:  texting S and S. Sudoku. Utube shorts for distraction. Bathe Red at atop Dirty Dog ; walk Sac trail with Red and hamburger; drive A to Staples, walk him; buy supper; all the bedtime minutiae plus make the bed;  talk to S by phone, stay neutral with accusations warped around DJ and shaming her and my adopting the behavior she’s so sure she sees but I don’t  Visit and talk   with .  Pill packing ;On verge of sleep finally good night I hope as I driftp

Sadness sets in

On my floor yesterday evening

S is kindly checking with S to ask if She would like to connect with her niece K who is currently being treated. I hope she does

 Finished the Martin blood and Fire Book. Not read anything with that many pages of years

Now what?

 

Unchanging?  No; nothing is

Saw JW and his two westies, Stewart and Sproket, yesterday afternoon, first time in a while. Ayla is gone. 

Can’t see around the corners.Red ran out the house at 9 PM last night toward the barking and came right back with the big dog came along and asked if they could play a minute I said sure and sorry he got off leash. They started doing their twirls. Next thing I saw she was on the ground poor thing glad I didn’t fall, but I feel terrible for her.  Nola was up in her driveway all this time. We went for a little walk. My heart was not in it, ping-ponging between daughters, distracted by dogs. 

Bought a new mattress with S this pm

Another blow

 

Yesterday

Her diagnosis is malignant. Cross the bridges as we come to them

  I get so tired of hearing people talk. 

Back at clambake again

This is what I should have posted yesterday from Saturday evening. It was a wonderful spontaneous visit in the head steamers for the first time and I don’t know when I like the landscape of the marsh in the evening sun was beautiful on it

Living in clover

 

And loving it

  Not doing anything today. Absolutely beautiful late summer day, cool sunshine  Made homemade no baked cookies; don’t need to do that again. Talked to DJ since he got home from his travels always good to talk to him   Dreamt about visiting him in his house after falling back to sleep this morning  Still having digestive issues, wish that would go away

Steamers at the marsh

Things perked up in the evening and 

we took a spontaneous trip to the clambake

Back to visit

 

What a cutie. HF back to visit

Pretty ladies

 

In the park, just before the hail storm

   That was quite an experience  Chick-fil-A at the picnic table near the Muslim coffee wagon;  these lovely ladies walked by And recommended the Matcha drinks, Banana bread and mango. Walked by and we chatted with him for 10 minutes or so  I was sucking down The drugs of a peach milkshake. Red and I shared a few nuggets and two young African kids wanted to But were shy about handing him a chicken nugget when I offered one to them not him  Obviously afraid of dog mouth. Can’t blame them  Is that thunder I hear Rick said yes he better get back to his car. I decided to try the coffee stand and maybe get a little walk-in.  Rain started 30 yards away so we turned back just as we ordered coffee. A downpour came along and by the time we got to the car, there was hail; we were soaked and cold. A was whingeing about the windows being down. Driving home was scary enough since the windshield was fogged up And I wasn’t sure what button would unfog it. When we got into the stream of traffic, that jerks ahead of us wouldn’t go more than about 10 miles an hour although it wasn’t that unsafe to drive  At home we certainly had to dry up things, including ourselves And the sun has come in and out since we got back right now, bright sunshine and rain. The electricity just went off. So I’m sitting here with beautiful sunshine outside rain falling off the roof and no power I’m powerless

Garbage again

 

One of my favorite things. Collection. 

Didn’t think I skipped yesterday

 

Little dog, little friend. So cute!

But apparently I did. Every day just seems to melt into the other not much difference in the hours certainly not the activities this morning. I took A to the grocery store and the pharmacy and Red for a very little painful walk. 

For example, yesterday we did our 1 mile walk around the block early enough so I didn’t melt in the heat. I’s Monday music sounds like he’s as depressed as I am so I told his dad about it. Gotta watch out for that. He really needs professional counseling might be in order, but I can’t do anything about that anymore than any other problems in the family.

Sat around most of the day again today, but just came back from an early evening walk and it was very pleasant still 84° but a good wind, Greeted four people, including a grandmother Denise pushing her baby carriage. We walked and chatted all the way up Longfellow   I rather hope we could become friends