Ugly

Fla sunset, 1-8-26, pic by SB

Me sunset, same time, my pic

Excellent coincidence 

      No, it’s not the sunset images that are ugly.  They, for me, are uplifting, especially after a harsh encounter on our 8 am walk.  I have been unfairly sending my husband out on the “early shift” with Red most of this frigid month, but he had an appointment, so Red was stuck with me.  

     The walk felt neutral, even pleasant, weather-wise and in regard to encounters with neighbors and motor traffic.  In fact we met up with the three youngsters awaiting the school bus, and young B the fast-growing boxer pup who lives by the bus stop.  Two more related guardians were there to chat, and that’s where “ugly” happened, after the bus pulled away and B boxer returned home with his mommy.

     Must admit to a rude thought: “She has always had the ugliest, down-turned expression on her face in all the years I’ve seen her, despite raising two angelic blonde princesses in thirty years, daughter and granddaughter.  I won’t even wonder why, only guess it has not been easy.”  Then as we all began to go our own ways, she said, “So sad about that little boy killed by a bus.” I ejaculated, “What? A schoolbus? Who? When, yesterday? Where, here?”  “Oh you haven’t heard,” and she filled me-us in with horrifying details plus an expectation for punishment of responsible parties.”  I literally felt sick to my stomach with sadness at it, and blurted, “Thanks for that, D.  Great way to start the day.”

    She recoiled, of course, and returned some stiff version of  “Sorry.”  At home the story was printed front page on the newspaper, and my stomach rolled over again, though I averted my attention.  Another admission here:  I realized my comment to her was itself ugly and unkind.  I am willing to let it lay, however, because of the sorrow I feel today with so much horror in the world augmenting  personal and familial suffering.