Yikes

 

Street detritus. Rust  today

Accomplished all the tasks on today’s to do list. Feels great. But I’m tired. A bit dizzy a couple of times in the last two hours. Notifications said I was in Afib 70% Of the time last week. Last week it said 50% of the week before. Yikes indeed. And Dr L said I was in a fib during my exam a couple of weeks ago.  But my cardiologist don’t seem to take these readings too seriously over the past year ; not sure whether to call them or not. I really am afraid of heart attack., like at 4am in bed in Orono  9-17.  I will probably call but must deal with the car Thursday. I’m also worried/afraid I may lose my drivers license and have no driver in the house. Lord help me!  

Que sera, sera

 

Abed.  Now

More rain all day. Yesterday and today. Red doesn’t love it. But it has its pleasant quietude.

Lee says today, and I hope he’s right:

I see that despite my inadequacy, 

I am penetrated by love. 

It has come here to help. 

Japanese decluttering advice:

  The special occasion you’re waiting for is the day you are already in  ( Use it or dispose it

   Do not let your stuff become someone else’s burden

     

Not so bad so far

Milkweed pod at 5Guys Thursday 

Beware that mixture of boredom, fear and depression

A woman pulled out her car in front of me on Main Street yesterday day and just stared right into my eyes as if daring me to say a word. How word and ironic after Thursday crash

Gray day

Field full of little kids recreating 

Waters tranquil

Lots of rain and possibly a northeaster predicted. We went to the park and bought Subway for lunch not much of a walk, but very satisfying S reports she’s doing well today

We need this now? Really?

Samaeo M

Met an African with a crippled foot in an unexpected and sorry way.  T-boned at a four way stop.  I took the blame. I ran a stop sign. BUT. He was turning left and did not see me?  Why was I talking for him to the officer?  Because of his stearner demeanor?  He was trying to help me, I think, but I wasn’t getting the hints at the time. ME has some law about at fault if you can stop an accident but don’t, I think. I did not get a citation so far. But could I lose my license?We’ll see. Filed claims while we waited for police. Spoke to HM rep today .  Will go with JG to auto body shop Monday. Caliber on Forest Ave. 

   I really want to stop driving, but not going places.

New day

 

On my walk yesterday 

In the orchard today

S’s orchard pics today

It’s exactly a week to the hour that u arrived by obus last week in S’s town. We immediately did “retail therapy” at Home Goods, taking back a fringed blue suede hassock (!!! I can’t say no these days) and $15 worth of junk snacks that I brought back Friday and am still eating. Thank goodness I didn’t scarf them down all at once. My weight is consistently hovering at 160 lb. Guess that’s a good thing. Days are chilling but beautifully sunny. Darkness comes way too early. And she’s on my mind pretty constantly. Gif be with us 

  She had a good day today. Went to an orchard and brought home apples for sauce, canned pickled vegetables and fresh squash. God grant her pease and rest and healing IJN

Morning flies by

 

Red Devil, I think. Yesterday

Now it’s time for German webinar and I’m falling asleep. Im anxious to hear from S

Waiting

 

Birthday modeling

I noted it was Yom Kippur. Pray for a sweeter year meaning successful treatment, to begin with 

Gray, cold

 

Familiar.  Yesterday

The other half of autumn   I’ve had the stove on most of the day. Walked with Red in the ‘hood.  Awake for eight hours now. All I can seem to fe l and think about is my daughter’s plight and fight.  Feel like the tar baby. Will there ever be joy or ordinary happiness in my life again. 

Called sis C. No consolation. She has her own misery, cut off from prescription drugs and her new first floor apartment was flooded 3 inches. Hasn’t heard from L. Can’t catch a break, the whole family. 

Yom Kippur starts tonight. I recall wishing a young Jewish woman from Coral a happy one a year or two ago and she kindly explained it’s not that kind of holiday. It’s a day of atonement, 25 hours of fasting, no water even, I surmise from a cancer survivor I read on Chabad yesterday, Bentzi Sasson of NYC. His description of his chemo experience both frightens and inspires me, particularly his emphasis on reliance on God and family, both missing in this upcoming case. I may be the connection, but I am rejected, not to mention weak. Help, Lord! IJN

https://w2.chabad.org/media/images/913/KQdg9132782.jpg?_i=_n32DD4A5CE5B405756B86D11830CBE5B1

Tranquility Day

 

View from Saint Joseph entrance in Bangor

 yesterday shortly before I left town

What contrast— Day and night, Jekyll and Hyde. A kept the house very clean, and with the light my heart and soul are lifted from the paranoia and fear and loathing that was developing in just 48 hours. She’s right and says she can accept it:  we cannot live with each other more than that time. A sorrow and pity. She says don’t feel bad or guilty, but she can’t know how painful it is to have failed your beloved child. Her father less so, but even so

I feel deep sorrow and sadness in my heart and mind. Peace also, Thank you, Jesus. This must be the joy and love that Lee links to sorrow